Im going out with devin so yay

Why is everyone so cruel to those who are different?  Why does when someone says they are a certain lifestyle you stereotype them to a label.   Like when people find out I’m emo they automatically judge me… or when they see me they judge me.   There is no end to the shit I get for being myself…for wearing what I want, and for my choice of music.

People say things like “ Your such an emo fag, go slit your wrists. Go kill yourself.”  Things like “Your better off dead, you might as well kill yourself.”  People who don’t even know me.

If only they could put themselves in my shoes and at least get to know me.  
It hurts me when people make fun of suicide and cutting… if only they went through hell and felt what it is like to want to die.  To think about how worthless you feel , and where you think suicide is the only way out.  If only they went through the pain of holding a razor in hand slicing your arm up.

For all your questions… no I don’t cut myself.. I used to believe me its hell.  Its not worth it, you get so addicted to it.  You convince yourself  that blood on your wrist will make you feel better.  Then you have the pain of trying to hide it from everyone.. The pain of knowing you fail everyday, the pain of knowing your hurting your friends.  Wishing you didn’t have this painful secret.

Thank goodness I’m out of that mess, sometimes I still get urges to cut, but thanks to friends  I haven’t in at least a year.  Even when your out of it you carry the pain with you all of your life.  Remember the pain.. Remember the depression , remember feeling damned.

You may think its funny to mess with the “emo” kids but if you only knew the hell they go through.
You may think some of their depression, their cutting, their suicidal thoughts are fake, but think again.

Think about them, and NEVER judge anyone without knowing them. 

Her life is
falling apart
slowly she dies
subject to her pain
in agony she cries
her fears unheard
her heart unloved
the last fragments
of her world unravle

When I hear your voice, it makes me come alive.
and when i hear you laugh, it makes me warm inside
and when you cry it makes me want to be there with you, to give, you a hug.

Because your the one I want, and you i know I need.
Without you Im lonely, and tears began to fall

When I hear you talk, about the one you love it makes me sad
But i pretend to be happy just for you.

and I know i love you
I cant take it anymore
I have to tell you
for I die inside
you bring me to life

The Jagged Heart Conspiracy™

Spill the blood

Kill me now

Oh, kill me

Let my chest,

Burst open

With the staggard beating

Of my wounded and dying soul

Rip out my heart ,

Leave me here,

Let me die,

Rip my heart out,

Kill my black, broken heart,

And kill yourself with the pieces,

sharp as razorblades,

Rip my heart out,

Throw me away,

Tear my soul,

Leave me to waste away

Tears bleed out

I'm never enough,

always rejected,

always failing,

You left me on a thin thread of string

youve made my insides,

covered in blood, from this wound in my heart,

and i love you for it

I collapse in my pain,

too much to bear,

I dont know how much more

I can take,

i want this to come back at you like a boomerang knife,

but i cant hurt you yet because i cant forgive myself,

for these things ive never done

but you accused me of,

and now you will drown in these fucking tears i cried at night over you,

and im coming back now, so sleep with one eye open

song is subject to copy right

Laying in the night
sleep wont come
with these thoughts in my mind of you
your eyes so deep
your laugh that makes me warm

I hear you talk about your lover,
and i act happy for you...
inside bears pain and misery for
I want to have you

<3  the get up kids
<3 saves the day
<3 dashboard confessional
<3 the anniversary
<3 brand new
<3 jimmy eat world
<3 funeral for a friend
<3 Death Cab For Cutie
<3 Matchbook Romance
<3 Bright Eyes
<3 thrice
<3 thursday
<3 secondhand serenade
<3 senses fail
<3 anatomy of a ghost
<3 amber pacific
<3 circa survive
<3 static lullaby
<3 typecast

Her eyes, doors to reality.
Her smile, its so convinsing,
she tells herself not to cry,

The razor on her wrist, her escape.
Blood pouring out, punishment for her mistakes,

Shes falling, failing,
the moon lumerates the night,
she stares at it tears pouring out,

Shes so alone.








Pools of deep dispare, leading to her soul.
Only few know how to look deep enough,
but who cares enough to even take a glimpse,
shes forgotten in her dungon of misery.
She wonders if anyone remembers her.
Shes so alone wanting to die,
gun so tempting razor such a treat,
shes so fucked up, and not scared to admit it,




Words cant compare to her pain,
shes alone in a room full of people,
shes alone at night in her room ,
were the tears began to fall,
and her life becomes indangerd,
dying for love,
everyone needs love no matter who,
but she doesnt know what to do,
should she die,
she wants to,
or should she continue to cry.
its verry hard to carry on

 Well today im soo bored I was happy but without any friends on the phone.... im alone.  I hate being alone it makes me think about my past.  Im still trying to learn Japanese O.o its verry hard.  Today at school was boring, I kept getting called BI-low.... in other words people are calling me bi-sexual.  Its like people im straight, if i wasnt i wouldnt love clark.


Clark =] he is the guy I love. Hes sensitive, funny, hott, and everything ive wanted.  He has had a sad past and has Self-Injury issues, but I know what its like so im hoping to help him.  Hes one of the guys that isnt afraid to cry.... that makes me like him even more.  Ima put some eyeliner on him soon xD he is going to let me put it on him.

It sucks that he has a Girl Friend.... he likes me allot also ,but he has a girlfriend and also cares about her.  It makes me sad when im on the phone with both of them.

I wish I could express to Clark about how much I love him.  Anyway..... peace out

I cant even type all the shit. i feel right now.